Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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