I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
