shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
