My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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