He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
