Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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