so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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