When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
