Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
