either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
