Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
