Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
