): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
