I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
