there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
