i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
