$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
