Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
