Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
