GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
