i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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