Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
