butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize