There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My ass is underappreciated
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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