you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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