He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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