I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
