So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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