great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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