Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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