i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
