So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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