I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
