Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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