She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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