Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
