I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
