Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
