My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
