My cat gives me a boner
He uses pillows to masturbate.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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