I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
