i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
only you would photoshop your dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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