There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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