first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
