Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
