i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
