So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
