my mouth tastes like poor choices
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
