I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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