DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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