If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
